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Sunday, 26 June 2011

On being dumped...

Where is the love of my life? Good question.

 I spent the early evening and late night with my lovely friend who has just been dumped. When you are young, 18 going on 24, you can shrug off being dumped and be back on the saddle before you've barely hit the ground. When you are in your thirties going towards 40, it's not so easy. It stings. For women there is that biological clock ticking away and the additional pressure of parents-seeking-grandchildren asking questions like "When are you going to find a nice young man?" Lately those questions have an edge of desperation, "When are you going to find a bloke, what ya playing at? " So to be dumped and to be dumped by text is not nice for a girl in her mid thirties.

My friend and I discussed the 'moral efficacy' of dumping by text and we decided by unilateral vote of two that it is wrong. Essentially unless the relationship was conducted via text messaging, then the break up shouldn't end via this means...its cowardice! As my friend said, he turned up for the sex in person!

My friend and I discussed why relationships are hard to find, hard to keep and hard to be without. I focused on the hard to keep bit, although after years of being married, I guess I just wanted some praise  or to be awarded the Nobel Peace prize for tolerance beyond most human's endurance, but that was a momentary relapse into fantasy and obviously I deserve what I've got. Anyway back to my friend, she said it was difficult to meet men, so I asked her to assess how she had been meeting men before and it was all randomness, " in a pub, in  a club, being blind drunk at a mate's party..." that kind of thing. Now randomness is great when you're young, time is on your side and you have  the lifestyle (loads of cash, no mortgage yet) and energy to support endless rounds of 'going out'. As you get older you acquire or have them forced upon you: bills, mortgages, car loans, weak ankles, being tired at 4pm and an increasing interest in knitting! (That last one is just me, my friend wants me to point out she has NEVER been interested in knitting) The point is, randomness is just not working because here she is at 35 and no boyfriend and no baby. My advice, (apart from telling her she is lucky, no pongy nappies, no sulking etc : this applies to both man and baby) you have to plan finding the right guy, yes he is out there, but you have to find him. You can't wait to bump into him outside the post office. However he may live in New Zealand so he'll never ever happen to be walking past your post office, just as you step out of the door and bang: fall straight into his arms, stare up  to see his dazzling white smile and dangerously deep blue eyes.  The truth? Plan finding your bloke like you would the perfect pair of shoes, leave nothing to chance. Be realistic, gorgeous, rich, tall, intelligent men are rare (Yes I know I have such a husband but we can't all be as lucky as moi.) Lower your sights a little, after all I have heard that not so gorgeous, not so bright, not so tall middle class men can be a fun and attractive dates. Scratch that, I am being a bitch, there really are lots of nice normal blokes out there that never get a look in because we women have been conditioned to expect tall, dark, rich and gorgeous. I know a few women who have got such rare creatures as husbands and boyfriends and they report the same nasty behaviour, farting in bed, picking nose in car and talking with their mouths full, not to mention ( so I shall)  forgetfulness of birthdays and smelly socks left on the kitchen table (why?) all the usual habits that are afflicted upon all women by all men in relationships. So good looking or not, a pert bum does not a thoughtful husband make. Here ended the lesson, I am bored with myself.....

PS: I am looking for a lovely playmate for my beautiful, blonde, extremely intelligent, slim, funny and sincere friend. Must be tall dark and gorgeous...failing that just be nice.

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